Busting Gentle Parenting Myths: Separating Fact from Fiction

So, one parenting style that has gained popularity in recent years and you will hear as a term banded around ALOT-  is gentle parenting, an approach that focuses on nurturing and positive reinforcement. When I first came across this parenting style some questions I had were; Is gentle parenting permissive? Does it mean never saying "no" to your child? Since then I have learnt so much on the topic and I wanted to cut straight to the heart of some of the things I wish had been clearer to me as I started on this journey we call parenting. Here I’ll explain what gentle parenting really means and debunk some of the myths, so you can decide if it’s right for you and your family!

Myth #1: Gentle Parenting means being permissive and letting your child do whatever they want.

Fact: 

Gentle parenting is about setting boundaries and providing guidance to your child in a respectful and compassionate way. This doesn't mean letting your child have free reign, but rather working together to find solutions and compromises that work for everyone. 

Let’s take ‘biting’ as an example. Now I think we can all agree that we don’t want our small people to bite others, right? Now, a more authoritarian approach to biting may be to punish the child who has bitten, try to ‘fear them’ into behaving the way we want in the future. However a more gentle parenting approach is understanding this behaviour often comes from big emotions ( assuming we have ruled out physical reasons such as teething) and helping your little person find positive ways to manage those emotions. So, once we have first given attention to the child who was bitten and soothed them,  we might empathise and set the boundary saying something like this to the biter “Ok, you look upset/ frustrated etc.. but it’s not ok to bite;” Then, only once they are calm, we could then work on alternative strategies, redos and talking about how  it felt for the other person who was bitten and how to make it right.

Myth #2: Gentle Parenting is only for babies and young children.

Fact: 

Gentle parenting is a lifelong approach that can be applied to children of all ages. It's about building a strong and healthy relationship with your child that will continue into adolescence and beyond.

Myth #3: Gentle Parenting is too time-consuming and difficult to implement.

Fact: 

This is probably one of the concerns I have struggled most with myself as a parent. I’ll give you a common scenario…. it’s getting close to bed time and suddenly my 5 year old: doesn’t want to get out of the bath, is crying when I ask her to put on her pjs, arguing with her sister etc... The tired parent,me, who knows she has work to do once the kids are in bed, is desperate to shout ‘I will count to 5 and if you’re not out of the bath no party tomorrow’. But here’s the thing- on the occasions my temper has gotten the best of me and I’ve said something like this it 1- often makes everything worse with more tears, hysterics and ultimately takes longer. But 2- while gentle parenting does require time, effort,and patience, it's important to see it as a long-term investment in your child's wellbeing. I am definitely starting to reap the rewards in terms of my bond with my children and how much better these scenarios are starting to play out.

Myth #4: Gentle Parenting doesn't prepare children for the real world.

Fact: 

On the contrary, gentle parenting equips children with the skills and tools they need to navigate the real world in a healthy and positive way. By modeling empathy, respect, and communication, you're teaching your child important life skills that will serve them well in all aspects of their life.

Myth #5: Gentle Parenting means never saying "no" to your child.

Fact: 

Saying "no" is an important part of setting boundaries and teaching your child important life skills like self-control and delayed gratification. Gentle parenting isn't about avoiding discipline or letting your child have everything they want, but rather finding a way to say "no" in a compassionate and respectful way.

My Final Thoughts

I have come to understand ‘gentle parenting’ as a compassionate and effective approach to raising happy and well-adjusted children. Understanding it, and implementing it, has definitely had a positive impact on me, and my family. But, as with all things parenting, you can take parts of what works for you and your family, and leave the parts that don’t. There is no one size fits all, every family is unique, and the most important thing is to find an approach that works for you and your child.