Are you a worried new parent? Join the club!

Hello fellow parents,

I spend a lot of time with parents in classes, talking to parents, reading parenting questions in forums and I have compiled a list of what I think are some of the most common parenting worries in the first year to two of a baby's life. What do you think? Do you, or did you, have these worries? How do you feel now? Are there any you would add?

1) Sleep

Oh my goodness, where to begin with this one! The first irony is that there are two completely contradictory stereotypes straight away. Firstly the expression about 'sleeping like a baby' which has positive connotations. And on the other hand, that from the minute you are expecting people don't stop making jokes about how you will never sleep peacefully again! The reality is that it is a complicated issue that will be different for every parent, as every baby is different, but here are my important take aways based on experience:

- Do not expect your baby to want to sleep ANYWHERE except in someone's arms for at least the first few weeks of their life  That expensive moses basket or cot that attaches to your bed that you bought? Completely forget about it! Instead go in expecting that's how it will be and come up with a plan of how you can hold them but all sleep safely ( such as you and your partner taking turns sitting awake on the sofa with them, that's what we did). You are not a failure that they don't want to be put down, it is COMPLETELY natural and they will grow out of it as they develop, for now, enjoy those cuddles.

- Every baby is different when it comes to sleep and there are SO many ways to approach sleep. So decide what works for you and your family, is safe, and ignore other people's opinions because trust me when it comes to sleep there will be MANY MANY opinions.

- Connected to the above but worth it's own note- how your baby sleeps is in no way shape or form a reflection of how good a parent you are!!!!! I think this can be one of the most difficult things for parents. People are very quick to label baby's good or bad sleepers, which in itself I don't think is helpful, baby's will likely go through many different phases and relationships with sleep and this can be based on a lot of things such as stage of development. And as a parent how your child is sleeping can feel like a reflection of how well you are doing as a parent- especially as no one ever stops asking about it, but this is simply not the case. It also depends how you define a 'good sleeper'. Is a toddler who calls out for comfort from his parents a 'worse' sleeper than one that doesn't need to or do they just have different needs? Or the toddler who is awake and wants to call out but has been encouraged not to!?

2) When to call the doctor

This is SUCH a tricky one and I know I definitely called/visited the doctor far less with my second baby than with my first. The more children you have/ the older your children get will definitely help you navigate what requires a doctor's visit and what doesn't but my thoughts for what it's worth.

- Doing a couple of courses really helped me, prenatal classes and a specific baby first aid class. One time this paticular helped me was when my 18 month year old had a febrile seizure. I took her to the doctors afterwards, and it was terrifying in the moment, but having a bit more knowledge definitely helped.

- Perhaps I was lucky but I was never treated badly by a doctor or like I was overeacting. When my first had, what turned out to be, a bog standard tummy bug that required nothing but rest and fluids, I took her to the emergency room. She was checked out and we were sent home, no biggie.

When it is a question of your child's health, yes knowledge and intution are a big thing but when in doubt- dont be afraid to waste anyone's time is what I say, better safe than sorry!

3) Reaching Milestones

This is a big one and one I know can cause great anxiety for parents, especially with constant questions about babys development from various areas and comparion from parents. For what it's worth, here's my philosophy two kids later; Be Alert, But Don't be Anxious, and definitely No Pressure. Here's why...

Milestones are a guideline only, it can’t be anything other. It is simply based on the AVERAGE data, so naturally there will be those that meet a milestone on the early side of that average, and those that meet it on the later side of that average. And all areas are different- some Baby’s may roll over ‘early’ but start talking later, or vice versa. Having said that, failure to meet miletones, especially if several and/or combined with other concerns CAN mean there is something that may need closer attention. Some examples;  

- My oldest daughter starting walking at 19months (I was very worried) and my youngest at 12 months. There was no larger issue at play, she just needed more time. HAVING SAID THAT…. Apparently later walking can be related to hip placement so, once she was on the later side of average, she was checked that there was nothing going on that did require intervention.

- On the other hand, one of my daughter’s had delayed speech which turned out to be something she needed intervention for and started seeing a speech therapist. She still does. But showing her I was anxious and putting any pressure would have likely just made it worse. 

So, be alert, but try not to be anxious, avoid pressure but seek intervention when needed.

4) Poo Colour

I couldn't resist this one! Black, green, yellow who knew these little people could produce such an array of colours and it be perfectly normal! In the beginning, your baby’s poop will be black (meconium). Green (transitional) come next, followed by yellow (breastfed) or brown (formula-fed), depending on how your baby is fed. The only colors you need to be alarmed about are black, red, or white. Even having said that there can be assumptions, I got a terrible fright the first time my daughter had beetroot and her poo came out red!

5) Feeding

Where to start with this topic and the worries it can produce! So firstly there is deciding if breastfeeding or formula feeding is right for you and your family, and sadly many people will feel they have a right to an opinion on that topic! Personally I breastfed my two daughters for a year and whilst it was a very special experience that I would not change for anything, it came with a great number of challenges I wasn't prepared for. I cover this in more detail in my video here. Then when they are ready for solid food do you go with baby led weaning or spoon feeding! I think you are seeing a trend here but I think it is worth repeating- do what feels right for you. The internet is a wonderful thing but the downside is that you can always find articles to support your belief, and the contrary, so do research of course, but then ignore your next door neighbour's opinion and go with your gut.

Final thoughts...

Although I wish it weren't, I think worrying is a perfectly normal part of parenting, it's because we care so much, and of course the newer we are to parenting, the more we are going to worry! So my best advice to you is- find a tribe!! Find that friend you can text at 3am when you are worried and think everyone else will laugh at you; join parenting forums that seem supportive, go to parenting groups and meet people.

Wriggle and Roll has it's own tribe of parents so you can also reach out to me at any time at [email protected], I respond to every email I receive!